Don't tell, don't ask?

A few nights ago, my husband and i were at a meet & greet at a convention that he is attending while we are on vacation.  I usually stay behind at home with my daughter, but since this event was being held early in the evening, we decided to all attend together.  Besides, i am a sucker for fresh shrimp and such and i knew that there would be lots of that kind of yummy stuff around...

At our table, we had a few folks that i knew and a few others who stopped by to chat with my husband and his head of sales.  Very nice folks, and my daughter was quite the charmer.  I ate my shrimp (shrimp from this area is simply amazing....) and sipped a water and a diet coke as i people watched.  As we chatted with hubby's head of sales, i mentioned that we were going to be starting this new way of life.  You would have thought that i grew another head or was sitting there naked by the look i got.  Here's some of the conversation:

me: Has Hubby mentioned that we are going to be starting a new way of eating?

friend: No!  What will you guys be trying?

me: Well, i've been reading a lot, mostly from a book called Eat to Live and i'm interested in us becoming vegetarians and maybe even vegans.  Our health and weight isn't the best, so i think that this would be a good way to for us to get healthy and eat.

friend: WHAT?!?!? But how are you going to get all of your nutrients?  You know, most vegans look pasty because they aren't "really" healthy, Isabel.  Those people look so unhealthy so much of the time!!  I could NEVER be a vegan!  You aren't going to force your daughter to do this, are you?

me: I think....

friend: You really need to think about what you're doing...(blah, blah, blah, blah and some more blah, blah as he sucked down his fourth drink from the open bar)

Is this how folks react to vegans/vegetarians??

Perhaps this is something that i just need to do for us and not have it be a topic of conversation.  It kind of made me upset as this friend bikes and seems to be healthy weight.  I thought that he would be full of words of encouragement instead of telling me that i was going to start looking "pasty".  Just a quick glance at me or my hubby and you can see that we are unhealthy and walking billboards for diabetes, heart attacks and shorter life spans.  I think that maybe looking 'pasty' would be a small price to pay if we are healthy....grrrr

Honestly, i think that our friend did mean well, but he's not in our shoes.  He's not 80 pounds overweight (that's just me!) and can't run up a flight of stairs.  He can ride a bike a great distance and feel/live life and enjoy it to it's fullest.  Living life as an overweight woman, i feel like i'm sitting on the sidelines sometimes because i don't dare run or ride a bike.

Please don't misunderstand me.  If someone is overweight and they are happy and can do things like ride bikes, and jog, i am thrilled for them.  The thing is, i am overweight, and i CAN'T do these things and i WANT to do these things desperately.  I want a good quality of life.  I want to run and play with my daughter without having to stop to breathe.  I want to chase her and catch her!  I want to run a 5k.  I want to be around a long time....and with my healthy and weight this way, if i don't change, and change now, i'm afraid that i won't be.

I need to re-read my Eat to Live book so i have answers if anyone asks me about eating this way.  I doubt that i will advertise that we are eating this way, but i won't lie if anyone asks.  And i'll have the answers that i need to answer any questions that are asked.  I'll be prepared instead of feeling like i'm being attacked....because i bet i only feel this way because i'm not sure that i have all of the answers.

But then again, who does have all of the answers?  ;o)

How this all 'vegan' for me...

I'm afraid, like most folks, i am a work in progress.  Very slow progress.  At a snail's pace progress.  In fact, there have been lots of times where there was no progress for me; just a lot of time of treading water.  I'm now at a place where i have nothing to lose and lots to gain.  At forty five, eighty pounds overweight, on medication for my blood pressure, pre-diabetic, winded if i dare to run up a flight of stairs, i am afraid.

Actually, i am terrified.

It is as if, well, if i don't make drastic changes and make those changes now, i won't be here to make any kind of changes.  My health numbers are so off the chart that i am stunned.  My blood pressure is insanely high.  I'm pretty sure that i am a diabetic.  I sleep horribly.  I don't exercise.  I don't eat correctly and have a love affair with anything that resemble chocolate.  Since college, i've gained 80 pounds due to how i take care of myself.

I'm a mess.

After stumbling across a book called Eat to Live written by Dr. Joel Fuhrman (it's on the best seller list) and reading it cover to cover twice, i have found my answer.  I have found what type of lifestyle i need to have, what type of food i need to eat.  And i hope, in time, i can adjust my family into this same way of life i have found.

I want to be a vegatarian.

Yep, you read that correctly.

Vegan.

No meat.  No processed foods.  No junk.  No soda.  No dairy.

A plant based lifestyle way of eating.

I refuse to call this a 'diet'; mostly because it's not.  It's a huge lifestyle change for me for the rest of my life. This type of lifestyle can't be half-way or a today-i'll-follow and tomorrow-i-won't.  It's either all in or all out.  One of my favorite quotes from Eat to Live comes from a man named Scott who has lost 333 pounds (Scott started at 501 pounds):

"Make a sacred pact to commit to this new lifestyle. Do it at any and all costs. This is the only way out."

I believe this.  I believe that i need to make a sacred pact with myself to commit to this new lifestyle. And i truly believe that this is my only way out to a healthier life.  My daughter deserves a healthy Mommy.  My husband deserves a healthy wife. 

I want to be healthy.

I desperately want to be healthy.

We are on a family vacation now in Destin.  I love the beach and all of the beauty that comes with it.  As i type, i am listening to the waves crash in....how i wish i could bottle up this sound and take it home with me.  The sound of the waves is like music to my soul.  This beach is the perfect place to sit and listen to the waves and talk to my heart and what i'm about to do when we get home.  We are here for two weeks and have just one more week to go till we return home.  Lots to think about while i am here....

One of the things that has been overwhelming to see is how many seriously overweight people that are here.  I am in good company, i'm afraid.  I often wonder about people like me....do they think as i do?  Do they desperately wish that they were healthy?  Or do they accept themselves "as-is" and don't wish to change?  I wish that i could say that i'm happy being this overweight and that it doesn't matter, but that wouldn't be the truth.  I'm not happy being this overweight.  I'm miserable.  I'm so miserable that i can't stand it anymore.  I want to run!  I want to be active!  I want to have the energy to do the things that my daughter wants to do!  I want to run up stairs without gasping for breath!  I want to fit into clothes and into airplane seats.

I know that my body isn't a tragedy.  I have strong, muscular legs.  I have strong arms and a strong back.  But my knees hurt at times and my back becomes sore from this weight.  My feet and ankles hurt from dragging my weight around.  Aging gracefully is one thing....aging this way is horrible.

I don't want to age this way anymore.

So, this journey of mine is beginning.  I am excited, scared and thrilled all at the same time. I am hoping that blogging through my first few weeks will help me get my thoughts down and in order.  I have (dreaded) photos to post.  I have (dreaded) weight numbers to post.  Recipes that i've found that i'll be trying to post. 

It's going to be an exciting time....wish me well on my journey, please.