Disappointment

As a stay-at-home Mama, some things can't be helped.  I try not to bother my Pooka (yes, that's my pet name for my husband) with things that i need to do that would put a kink into his work plans.  He owns a business and the stress that he is under scares me sometimes.....so the less i can add to that work stress, the better i feel.  This does mean that i don't do many things that i want to do: i don't do a lot of girl nights out (in fact, i rarely do them), take painting classes or sewing classes.  My job is to take care of Emma and our home and i'm thankful that i get to do that.

This morning, my doctor's appointment was scheduled for 8:00am.

My husband was in a deep sleep when i went to wake him....and i just didn't have the heart to wake him.  He had a very long day yesterday with some travel thrown in and was exhausted.  Instead of waking him, i called to cancel my appointment and to reschedule it when my daughter starts school.  I felt bad for even wanting to wake him.  The scheduler wasn't there when i called, so i'll call back later today to reschedule.

I am disappointed that i didn't go to that appointment.

But i will go to the next scheduled one....i will.

Until then, i'm going to be trying a few recipes....that look amazing.  I can't believe how many sites there are in blog-land that have vegan/vegetarian recipes!  I'm going to be taking advantage of all of that information out there and trying recipes to find the things that i'll come to love and use as my 'go-to' foods.

This lifestyle can be done....and can be done tastefully!!

Tomorrow.....

.....is my long awaited doctor's appointment for my full physical.  Why i am nervous is beyond me; i am doing this for a starting point, starting numbers and to speak to my doctor about what i am going to do.  You would think that i would be confident and relaxed as i've done my homework, read just about everything i could get my hands on and have my veggies in a row.  (Get it?!?!  hahaha.....'veggies in a row'!)

But like almost every overweight person, i dread the doctor's office.  I hate getting on the scale.  I hate hearing how much i weigh.  You would think that at my age, hearing a number wouldn't be such a big issue for me.  It's a number, for heaven's sake!  It doesn't describe all of me.  That number doesn't make me a "good" or "bad" person.  It's just a dang number.  This time, though, it is a starting number for me as i take on this new way of eating.  All of my numbers will be.....and this is how i will look at it.

I'm nervous.  As i think about what i'm going to be changing, i am extremely nervous.  I'm going to change how i eat in a really big way.  While i know that this is necessary and that i truly want to do this, i'm still a bit nervous.  Perhaps if i look at what i'm doing as 'training' to be a better me instead of in a pass/fail kinda project, it would benefit me.  I don't think that slowly changing my ways is the way to go, though.  I think that going cold turkey and jumping in with both feet with a good mind set is the way to begin.  Slowly changing just leaves a loop whole, you know?

And so, i'm off to the store and to get my notes in order for tomorrow.  I'm curious as to what my doctor will say.  I respect this man and value his opinion so i will listen to what he has to say after i tell him why i am there.  I'm lucky that this doctor actually listens to what i have to say....and for this, i'm grateful.

Until tomorrow....